apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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