Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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