I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
