when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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