I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
