Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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