My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
