as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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