i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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