Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
two words: eviction party
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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