Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
