I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
