I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
