if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
