You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
