So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize