She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want her autograph on my taint
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
