When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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