I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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