My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize