I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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