she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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