I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
