You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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