i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
