Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
