Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
