hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
