I accidentally had phone sex last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
