Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
