I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
how does that bad decision feel?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
