Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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