Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
