i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
