I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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