The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found your dick twin last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
