yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
