May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
