and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
