worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
