Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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