i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
