it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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