id be glad to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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