Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
