I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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