Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize