I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
