I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
