apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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