I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
