I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize