Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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