i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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