i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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