Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
