I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize