I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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