Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
