my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
