You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
