you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
