i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
