the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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