I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
