It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
