I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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